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03 May 2011 @ 10:53 am
Primevalathon Gift Fic-The Things That We Remember (Becker/Jess)  

Title: The Things That We Remember
Fandom: Primeval
Characters/Pairings: Becker/Jess
Words: Part 1-2,177
Rating/Warnings: PG very mild swearing
Disclaimer: Primeval and its characters belong to Impossible Pictures. No copyright infringement is intended.
Spoilers: Everything up to the ending of series four.
Recipient: [info]torigates
Prompt:I hate that the last time we saw Becker he was lying on the floor unconscious after being shot. That is just cruel! So anything that deals with the aftermath of the episode would be lovely. I'm really into Jess/Becker right now, but I like both characters individually as well. So whether it's Jess finding Becker lying there and getting him some help, or the two of them talking after everything had cooled down or going on a date or whatever. I just want to see more of their dynamic explored. I'm a huge fan of Connor/Abby so if you're comfortable with them and want to throw them in as well, the more the merrier!
Author's Note: Written for Primevalathon as a pinch hit. It's a few days late due to the fact that I don't have internet access at home. I actually attempted to use some public wi-fi last night but it wouldn't connect to my laptop. So I actually ended up adding more to this after that, so hopefully it was worth the wait!
Summary: Do we really believe Jess didn't see Becker get shot at the end of episode 7? This is what comes after. There are things Becker and Jess would like to forget but more important are the things they choose to remember.


Later she wouldn’t remember much. It was all a blur of terror and “this can’t be happening”, and “he has to be ok” pounding through her head. When she tried to remember what had happened it was like she was watching the whole thing on a grainy CCTV feed with only certain moments that she could bring into focus.


She could see Ethan emerging from the interrogation room, feel the rounded panic button beneath her hand, hear the discharge of the EMD in her earpiece as Becker took the first hit.


She wasn’t sure if she’d actually seen Ethan shoot him the second time or if she had such a clear mental image of it because she’d read the report so many times. She thought there was a good chance that she might have already been out of her chair and on her way to corridor five by that time but she wasn’t sure. 


The next thing she remembers is being sprawled on the floor next to Becker’s prone form. She has blood on her hands and she doesn’t know where it came from. She assumes later she’d tried to cradle his head and disturbed the wound where he had hit the wall. She is amazed by how Becker’s hair hardly seems mussed, how his hand is still wrapped around the strap of his EMD, how his protective vest was still locked securely in place. It looked like he could get up at any time and Jess vaguely thought she might hear herself begging him to do just that.


Her next flash of memory is being forcibly dragged away from Becker, fighting every step of the way. She doesn’t know the names of the soldiers who are pulling her backwards down the hallway, she only knows they are taking her away from Becker when he needs her.


She stops fighting when they deposit her in a room and leave her alone. She doesn’t know how long she sat there before Lester showed up. It felt like hours but was likely only a few minutes.


He pulled a chair up to sit across from her, the look on his face more cautious and concerned than she ever remembers seeing him.


“Are you alright?” He asked, nodding towards her torso.


Jess was confused until she glanced down and saw the blood smeared down her yellow dress. She must have been wiping her hands on the fabric without realizing it.


“It’s not mine,” She’d muttered. “Becker, is he…”


“He’s alive,” Lester informed her briskly. “He’s on his way to the hospital, we’ll call you as soon as we know something.”


“I have to go with him,” Jess tried to stand, but Lester stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. She was surprised at how strong he was.


“I’m having someone drive you home,” Lester insisted.


Jess didn’t recall arguing this point with him, but she must have done so fairly convincingly or else Lester was an even bigger softie than she’d previously believed, because the next thing she remembered was waking up in Becker’s hospital room.


Jess woke up violently, nearly tipping over the chair she was perched on before a hand steadied her from behind. Her eyes followed the hand on her shoulder until it met an arm and eventually a face that she recognized as Matt.


“Steady there,” He offered gently, patting her shoulder a little bit. “You’re ok.”


Jess took a deep breath. She was a mess and there was no point denying it. However, a large part of her was ruled by habit, the habit she’d cultivated to keep from being discounted immediately for being a girl, and perky, and young. That part of her was adamant that just as there was no point denying she was a mess, neither was there a point volunteering the information either.


“Of course I’m ok,” She told him, limiting the tremble in her voice as much as possible.


To his credit Matt merely nodded rather than challenging her rather feeble assertion and Jess took the opportunity to take in her surroundings. The first thing she noticed was that the chair she was sitting on had been pulled directly up to the side of the bed in the center of the room. She’d clearly been resting her head on the edge of the bed while she slept, mere centimeters away from the leg shaped bumps under the blanket. She studiously avoided looking up at the face of the bed’s occupant instead sweeping her gaze across to the opposite side of the room where a tired and sympathetic looking Abby was leaning against the wall.


“Welcome back Jess,” Abby said with what might have been meant to be a smile but in actuality came out looking more like a grimace. 


“Where’s everyone else?” Jess asked, her eyes fixed firmly on the blanket covering the legs in the bed rather than anywhere else.


“Lester’s briefing the Minister,” Abby answered, her tone taking on harshness as she went on. “And Connor is missing in action as usual. I’ve left him messages. I think he’s gone off somewhere with Phillip.”


Jess just nodded, realizing she’d run out of things to ask and safe places to look. Steeling herself she allowed her eyes to rest the one place they most wanted and yet dreaded to be.


 Becker’s face was pale and stiller than she’d ever seen it. Even when he was standing still Becker usually had a sense of coiled energy emanating from him and its absence nearly knocked the breath out of Jess’s lungs. He had an oxygen tube in his nose and an IV needle in his arm keeping him tethered to his surroundings. Jess had to fight the impulse to tear all the tubes and cords away from him, as if simply freeing him from those would allow him to sit up and walk away.


She could hear Abby explaining, or rather reminding her about Becker’s condition. It seemed that she’d already been told all of this before she’d fallen asleep but Abby seemed aware of the fact that the information hadn’t really sunk in. Eventually she seemed to become aware though that Jess still couldn’t really understand the words that were washing over her like a wave as she stared at Becker’s face.


“Jess?” Abby interrupted softly. “Are you getting any of this? The doctor briefed us earlier but you were…”


She paused and her eyes lingered on Jess’s torso. Jess glanced down and noticed for the first time that she was still wearing her bloodstained dress.


“Distraught,” Abby finished finally, clearing her throat to fill the silence as she waited for Jess’s response.


“Not really,” Jess admitted, reaching out one hand as if to rest it on Becker’s, which was visible on top of the blanket. Changing her mind at the last minute Jess laced her own fingers together instead, twisting them anxiously as she looked back up to meet Abby’s eyes.


“Well, you can ask him when he comes back if you want more specifics but the gist of it is he took a powerful electric shock and gave himself a nasty concussion and a few broken ribs to top it off when he hit the wall,” Abby informed her in the same nearly clinical tone she used when dealing with a sick creature in the menagerie.


“But is he going to be ok?” Jess demanded, vaguely self-conscious about the way the desperation in her voice was raw and obvious.


“Odds are he’ll wake up in the next few hours back to his pain in the arse self,” Matt answered, coming around to stand beside Jess’s chair. “The doctor said his body’s just giving itself a little time to heal.”


“And if he doesn’t wake up in the next few hours?” Jess insisted.


“Then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Matt said firmly, placing what he probably hoped was a comforting hand on her shoulder.


“Ok,” Jess tried to muster up a semblance of her normal tone. “I’m going to go freshen up a bit.”


“Take your time,” Matt said, kindly not pointing out the ridiculousness in attempting to freshen up when you were wearing a designer dressed streaked with blood and dirt and God knows what else.


Jess hurried down to the loo trying to ignore the strange looks she was getting from everyone she passed in the hall. They probably thought she had murdered someone but Jess couldn’t be bothered with perceptions regarding her lack of sanity at the moment. Once she felt like she had reached a setting of relative privacy she splashed water on her face, briefly examined her drawn and pale reflection in the mirror, and then allowed herself a couple good minutes of pacing.


She wasn’t sure exactly when Captain Hilary Becker’s wellbeing had gotten so inexplicably tied up with hers, but the thought that he might not be ok left her feeling sick to her stomach. It had started out as a crush, a fun, manageable crush that made her days at work more enjoyable but hardly interfered with her job or her ability to sleep or anything trite like that. Now here she was, dressed like a mass murderer, pacing in front of a row of toilets and swearing up and down to a God she didn’t really believe in any number of promises if that man would just wake up and get better. All of this for someone who probably thought of her as an annoying little sister, or at best a friend. Jess shook her head and glanced back at her reflection. It didn’t matter how he felt about her. What mattered was that she knew she loved him. Jess had always been the type to be certain of herself, her abilities and her feelings. It was this sense of certainty that had allowed her to work confidentially among her older colleagues and diffuse a bomb when multiple lives depended on it and it was this same certainty that told her she was in love with Hilary Becker.


When Jess made her way back to Becker’s room she paused outside the door in attempt to steel her nerves to once again see Becker so still and helpless. That had been her only intention when she stopped outside the door but as soon as she did Matt and Abby’s voices drifted out and their words hit her like a punch in her gut.


“He’s got no chance, he’s a goner,” Abby snapped, the emotion in her voice clear. “And I for one can’t just keep pretending everything’s ok.”


“Abby…” Matt trailed off, seemingly reluctant to take up the avenue of discussion Abby had apparently already led them down.


“Forget it,” She sighed tiredly and Jess leaned her forehead against the wall to the left of the door trying to stop the world from swaying dangerously in her field of vision. “Let’s focus on Jess, shall we? She needs to go home and get some rest.”


“She won’t leave him,” Matt replied as though the point weren’t even up for debate.


“I understand how she feels, but Matt they pulled her away from him screaming, covered in his blood…” Abby’s voice trailed off for a moment. “She doesn’t need to see this. We have to at least try to get her to go home for a while and personally if she does I’m not calling her unless the worst happens. If she doesn’t get out here and get some rest soon there might not be much of the Jess we know left. Do you really want her to end up as jaded as the rest of us?”


“I don’t disagree but I won’t force her,” Matt answered as flatly as ever. Jess wondered if the man ever raised his voice about anything.


She straightened up slowly backing away from the doorway before turning and walking quickly down the hall. She could feel a rising uncontrollable panic threatening to over take her as Abby’s words played over and over in her mind.


He’s got no chance…he’s a goner…not calling her unless the worst happens.


Jess couldn’t even live up to Matt’s faith in her loyalty, couldn’t even live up to her own promise not to leave him when Ethan’s bomb was threatening to explode. She could easily commit to the idea of giving up her life alongside his if they were both going out at the same time trying to save one another. She couldn’t stand by and watch the life drain out of him slowly until she was left alone, she just couldn’t. Instead she reached a shaking hand into the pocket of her dress, pulled out her phone and fired off a quick text to Abby saying she’d decided to leave and get some rest. Then she called a cab knowing full well she wasn’t going back to her own flat. There was only one place she could even contemplate maintaining the ability to breathe at the moment and so that’s where she was going.


Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
athene: jessdeinonychus_1 on May 3rd, 2011 11:57 pm (UTC)
meep! *hurries off to part 2*
pink_flame_87pink_flame_87 on May 4th, 2011 12:27 pm (UTC)
Meep indeed lol :p